On Being Sort Of A Dick
Honestly I don’t try enough.
So now it’s the present, I seem to be getting better at things that I only picked up in the past week and worse at things I should have doing for the past months. It makes me resent my achievements, I don’t think I have any. Which just makes me pissed. I was in my university today, a special class where we do hands on work, it happens every two weeks for various subjects, it just happened to be a programming subject today. I tell people all the time, I’m no saint. In fact I tell people I know I’m a mean person. In special classes like these I get reminders all the time about why I’m like this. It disgusts me, how there are only three people in the whole class who actually know anything, myself included those three.
The rest of them are always dead weight, and I still don’t understand how there are third year computer engineering students who know just about as much about operating computers as my grandmother. I usually go in, do my work and get out. The one thing I hate doing is helping out the dead weight people, but they have no pride so they always ask and in so doing they ask some of the dumbest questions. No third year computer anything major should be like that but yet they are. I actually tried to be nice, I’m lying I wasn’t nice I was helping in a gruff and grumpy way, I helped until I got stuck myself. That’s when I noticed these dead weights never even attempt to solve anything themselves, they just go looking for the other two smart ones to copy from.
It pissed me off but I said nothing, I just sat there smoldering. The supervisor eventually came and finished their work for them by way of showing an example but the supervisors too is blind. I noticed the stupid look of accomplishment the dead weights had, my face darkened, I was still stuck. Some of them who hadn’t finished asked me for help, the way they talked…they knew nothing about their pursued degree and it pissed me off even more. In the end they encountered a simple problem, they were working from a removable device which the fiddled with and the program sort of ‘forgot’ the directory it was working in. They couldn’t bring back up the result(that they didn’t get). They became sad, they felt that they worked(they didn’t actually) for nothing. Truth is all was not lost, but it pissed me off that they could claim to create a complex program and not be able to handle a directory change error. How can they not know how to fix it? It was simple. I knew how to do it. In a way I could have saved them, but I didn’t. I thought it served them right, since they don’t actually know anything but still want to get marks for work that the leeched off me, the other two smart guys and the supervisor. They didn’t ask me, one of them looked at me in a way, I suspect that he figured I knew how to do it. I was done helping.
My principle is simple, every man should carry his own weight, if the idea is that every man solves a problem with their own power(which I do) then that is how it must be. Every man there had an equal opportunity to know what I know, its they own fault for not knowing what I know. If could know it by myself then so can they. Every man should strive to follow this unless they reach a road block that they can’t seem to overcome then they can ask from someone who is on equal footing with them. In my case its the other two smart guys, when I want help I ask them and when they ask me I’m happy to help. Second thing about that rule is that you must accept as little help as possible so that you can use your own power don’t be like the dead weights who are so needy they only thing they need is a placard around their necks. The third rule is that you never accept offered help if you are well within you ability to do it yourself and if it’s coming from someone who is of lesser footing than you. It means I would never take anything from the dead weights…ever. The only exception for my principle is debts, if you owe someone that’s like a dead weight then you can help similarly you can call in a debt if you are owed. Friends of yours are on equal footing so they are covered. This might be too strict, too absurd, too mean, if you think so, don’t follow it.
For me it’s the only rational way to think about it. I’m not a saint, I wouldn’t stick my neck out for a dead weight just out of whatever goodness that may lay in my heart. I stick out my neck for my friends, they are the only ones who deserve it, they earned it someway. I’m of the opinion that a lot of kindness goes unappreciated, taken for granted and just misplaced. Save it for people that matter, in my experience it pays off and you can be kinder that way.
Don’t be a dead weight, don’t patronize dead weights.
Venting On A Teacup
Well, it’s actually a mug…not a teacup. It doesn’t matter anyway, as you might have guessed I’m here to vent. Where do I begin?
This time last year I wrote a lot about my life, later on I realized that Tumblr is not a blogging platform in the true sense of the word. It’s pretty much an imaging platform, I feel like there isn’t a lot of features separating Tumblr from Pinterest, in fact there isn’t a lot separating it from Instagram damn it. So eventually I bent to the will of the community, they don’t want read my writing, they want to look at my pictures. It wasn’t so bad but it’s not what I really want. Wordpress is a blogging platform but I had a lot of issues with it, I might go back, but not now. Anyway I want to write now so they’ll just have to deal with it. I expect at least one ‘unfollow’, just saying.
I was chasing love this time last year, I chased it into the this year and I never got it. I felt like I was really close to getting it too, but that’s an old story. Now I’m chasing money, and with most things that people chase, they usually tend to have very little of it. I had to call in favors to cover my rent for November, mainly because I was sort a few dollars. I paid it and I was left with nothing but hey I had a place to sleep so that’s bearable. Then I got a bit of cash from my parents at just the right time so that made me happy, but after I paid off my debts I wasn’t really happy. I bought groceries and a cheap stylus for my phone and then it was all gone. Afterwards even realized I forgot one of my debts, I still haven’t paid it. Things haven’t really picked up from there.
Then it started to snow, I can’t over-stress how much I hate winter. Calling it my least favorite season is way too nice for it. The city quietens as snow starts to pick up, it just becomes calm and gloomy all at the same time. You never realize the little things that you see everyday that you take for granted, until snow covers them. Grass, familiar cracks in pavement, signboards winter takes them away and that’s unforgivable. Luckily I saved a kitten from having to face the winter outside, I took it in and passed it on to a loving owner.
I have food stocked but I rarely cook. I’ve just been starving and drinking tea. I don’t remember the last time I drank water. I’ve drank only tea for the past two weeks(since I paid my.rent), that there in the picture is my last Cherry Morello teabag, the rest is regular red tea(boring stuff). My daily routine starts and ends with tea, with about several cups in between. I’ve been handling my thoughts about being broke this way. I’ve been given a ticket for a flight back home and then a few days later when I check for my residence permit they tell me next year. I’ve also been given the rent for December in advance and a bit of cash to get to the airport thats in another city
not sure how I’ll manage that now but I’m not getting anymore money than that. Not until I get home anyway. There’s a way to get the permit faster, it will cost a lot, if I want that ‘a lot’ I must borrow it since I’m not getting it from back home. I’m biting my nails for a way out, I still need to be certain that if I pay ‘a lot’, I’ll get my permit before my travel date. Its a bit of a risk it’s more than just a bit but there’s is a lot riding on this trip.
I’m here trying to be this semi-artsy person, I think in a few years I’d have tried so many art-forms the concept of ‘general artists’ will have to come back. However I’m supposed to be this techy entrepreneurship person, I’m tech alright. I’m a geek through and through but I’m not known for that anywhere. My very secret innate desire for people to like me means that I’m really doing more of the stuff that can entertain people. They can look at my work and be like “Wow, nice job”, it’s getting more and more about the visuals before it was more about the reading but I’ve realized that people want something to look at. My recent attempts to start painting is like a major acceptance of this that is more deliberate and less subconscious than usual. Somewhere deep down even the way I dress is affected by this. Yet I haven’t chosen a career in anything visual, going by the numbers I have more experience graphic designing than any IT work experience I’ve ever had and it’s starting to get my attention.
I’ll get traffic to my site for this which is good, click the link or not it’s a plus for me and if you want more I’ll be here. I’m not doing much else but drinking tea anyway.
PS My special people, on the off chance that you read this. I’m trying to handle my issue myself for now, I would have told you about it eventually but just know this isn’t my way of telling you I wont be coming, its just a coincidence I chose to write about it.
If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”
that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything
I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person
must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!
Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.
always reblog tumblr identification